I get the worst feelings on Sundays- its like a depression wrapped around a wierd embarrased empty feeling like I forgot something or someone and have just wasted everything. did i spend too much money this weekend? did i sleep or sit on my ass too much? am i wasting my entire life? what the fuck am i doing? but usually it gets better and i try to have a nice dinner and read or something. i just read tanners christmas post and it didnt help. to me the depressive/pathetic aspects of the holiday season way out weigh the hanging out w/ friends/family/being nice crap. i can (and try to) do that all year. but it seems its shoved in my face worse and worse every year. yes i know its christmas. no i'm not excited. no i didnt go shopping. no i have no tree. leave me the f alone.
but i had just enough bottle return money so that kyle and i could get a pizza six pack and chips and come back to my apt and hang out with todd and sara and todd, jr (bryan) and tan and everyone i love (well, not everyone but a big chunk)
JB
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valid point... that whole "did i do enough" feeling is tough to shake, i think we all deal with that sensation, but i can tell it really gets you down. My advice, get fired, go on unemployment, and take a long road trip... i think the only times i've felt really truely alive were when i was in very uncomfortable/dangerous situations, or at least when i was in new places, with new people.
But, i guess in the long run contentment isn't really a place or an event, it's something much more intangible - here's to figuring it out man, either way i'll be home later tonight we should drink a bottle of wine.
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