Friday, June 30, 2006


All this talk of Independence Day activities (BBQ, fireworks etc) has got me thinking about my 4th of July Curse, or as I refer to it 'Fuck-god-damn-it-ouch!'

Anyway, on two separate July Fourths, I have painfully shattered my front teeth in weird and unpredictable ways.

1. 7/4/1999- This is when the curse began. Early in the afternoon, after the Alburgh 4th of July parade (I've missed it maybe 4 times in my life) I went to my old friend Kyles house- he was still living with his folks at the time...actually he may not have been there (still in Utah) but I went to see his parents/older brother Jeremy. My friend Pete B. was already there- he had his motorcycle parked in the driveway- and clumsy ass lets never pay attention JB walks too close to it and BURNS THE FUCK OUT OF HIS LEG ON THE TAILPIPE!!! Yowee!! I'd never been burned so bad where I could see the skin turn from black to white to red in about 5 seconds! Well, Kyles mom Kim took care of me and bandaged me up, and I started drinking to dull the pain.
Later on we all decided to go to a shitty Canadian bar called 'the Rocket SuperClub' basically just a place where underage Americans go to get wasted. I was out on the dance floor shaking what my momma gave me, when someone passed me a bottle of Champagne- so I took a big slug 'o the jug, someone bumps in to me- crash bang boom BROKEN TEETH!!! I was in the bathroom spitting up teeth and blood for 20 minutes before I could find a ride back to the U.S.

2. Flash forward to 7/4/2005- I'm a little older, a little wiser. I have a healthy fear of glass bottles- learned my lesson. I had just got back from the Alburgh 4th of July parade (quite a spectacle really) and was at Oakledge park for the Three Tomatoes/Niccos Cucina party (lots of friends of mine worked there at the time- Kyle, Marnie, Frank, Marie, Jess, Josh, Ross etc..) the day was winding down, I was sitting on the beach petting Ivan, my friend Pete R.'s huge Rottweiler and I guess when I stood up it was a little too sudden jerky because Ivan tried to BITE MY FACE OFF!! he just split-second-fast snapped and bit my face. I've never been hit with such force before. My glasses went flying- blood was all over my face and in my eyes from a puncture wound right above my eye, and alas, MY FRONT TOOTH WAS BROKEN AGAIN!! man... It didnt really hurt that much, I suppose (I just looked like an idiot with a broken tooth for a few days) and cute girls in swimsuits were taking care of I got to miss a day of

This year I'm going to be a little more cautious... I'm staying away from dogs and glass bottles...fuck it, I may even wear a mouth guard... but I'm still going to the Alburgh 4th of July parade, and still drinking beer at 10am, and still having fun (I hope)


ps. The Cripples fucking rocked Metronome last night...Burlingtons new rock gods?


Anonymous said...

The Cripples were good. Ur not coming on the boat the 3rd?


Anonymous said...

great stories JB!
the Rocket SuperClub sounds totally awesome. i'll be thinking about you on the 4th and sending intact tooth vibes.

keep me updated!


Tmoore said...

lol, i was there for "le Rocket Superclub" that sucked; but le rocketsuper club almost always sucked... i don't think one good thing ever happened there... jb remember that time me and you just sat at the bar and drank till we couldn't walk?

then i threw up right into that girls face.

then i yelled "FACE!"

no just kidding, wish i would have though.

the le duo said...

no broken teeth etc...but I dod fall out of a dingy (more on that later...)


the le duo said...

and I made up a new word, 'dod'... it means the same as 'did' but with more attitude



Eva the Deadbeat said...

man, well done! your teeth dod survive another 4th! wish i had been there to see it when you fell out of the dingy - please post all the gorey details asap!