labor (not) ready?

as many of you may know, i have been struggling for the last 8 weeks or so to find a job. the nest egg i received after leaving my last job didnt last as long as i hoped, thanks in part to the op and asiana house (and my own stupidity) well, today i decided to look into labor ready, the work today, get paid today temp place next to the o.n.e variety store on n. winooski ave. i went in and asked the lady how it works. its easy she says. two forms of i.d, pass the tescor integrity and behavioral test, and then show up at 5.30am when you're available to work. simple.

the test involved reading simple questions and then entering your answers on to a key pad that looked like a credit card machine. some sample questions:

in the last month have you done these illegal street drugs- meth, ice, crank, crack, coke, uppers, downers, poppers, mdma, etc?

1. always
2. sometimes
3. rarely
4. never

and

you feel its appropriate to hit some one who has angered you.

1. always
2. sometimes
3. rarely
4. never

a third of the questions were about drugs, a third fighting at work, and a third stealing from your employer. i answered the questions truthfully. no, i never fight at work. no i dont show up to work under the influence of drugs. the test took me about 8 minutes. after i was finished the lady said 'takes just a minute for the results.' i stood there wondering how awesomely i had done. man i aced this motherfucker i said to myself. then the lady turns to me and says, 'sorry, you are unqualified to work here. try back in one year.'

holy fucking christ

i stood there for about 5 seconds thinking this slack jawed bitch must be joking with me but no.

egad!

so, to wrap this story up, i passed an incredibly comprehensive background check to work for the fucking department of homeland security but i wasnt qualified enough to work at labor ready where crack heads & ex-cons clean shit out of toilets.